To any writer, it
becomes essential to be flooded with emotions with a perspective. Sometimes one
just has the emotions and not the perspective; on some other times, just the
perspective and not the emotion. Right now I have one of the above mentioned things
and not the other. Still I go on to write. I am a little perturbed and wanted a
balm. Didn’t get it, so here am I. I have seen in movies people going to
temples and bursting their emotions in front of the deities. Initially in my
first instinct I used the word idols instead of deities. Then as I started to
type the next line I just felt somehow the word idol was not bringing out the
correct emotion that I was trying to bring on the surface. This word deity came
to mind after a second or so. I remember memorizing this word in the
explanations given for some word’s meaning in the word list of Baron’s GRE
book. I did not know such a word existed. So I looked up and got the meaning. I
scribbled the meaning in Hindi right under the word and that’s how I remembered
it, quite pictographically from my memory slides. I am not really good at words
but whatever limited I know, I use them well. I have seen that. I have seen
people getting impressed and praising my writings. Now I trust those people for
a number of reasons. I would discuss only the main ones. First and foremost, I
know that most of those people are better equipped than me in words as far as
inventory of words in concerned. My inventory turnover is quite remarkable and
I love coming back to the ‘here and now’. Yes, me too! Secondly, I actually
want to believe them. The reason why I want to believe them is the fact that
they praise me. If they all criticized me, didn’t have great things to tell
about my rather simple presentation of words which happens to be by compulsion
than choice; probably I would have written them off saying they were not good
enough to judge me. But if the judge passes a judgement which is to one’s
liking, who cares to see if the judge was partial or competent enough or an
expert of the area. Therefore, this proves that even my first reason for
trusting the people who praise me is a corollary of the second one. Foundation
is a derivative of the first floor! Funny but true in my case.
Children have
this tendency to get carried away in their lives so much that they start
believing they have grown up, at least enough to say things to their parents
they wouldn’t say otherwise. I mean under normal circumstances. They do get the
reminder of the fact every now and then and especially when they tend to begin
to develop this feeling of being grown up that god is next to their parents.
Way back I was reading some note written by some friend. I don’t quite remember
the exact words but they were similar to this.
“When
I reached home, I saw maa was a bit older than before and paa had more of grey
in his head than black.”
This sentence
touched me in a way I just could not forget. This time I had a similar
experience and I was scared. I got to know my father; my young stud father was
ageing, ever so slowly, just slowly enough to deceive me for this long but no
more. I just accidentally happened to take a step back and see how much has he
been carrying on his broad and ever reliable shoulders. I saw my maa with that
thin line of wrinkle under her ears on the side of the cheek on the right. I
didn’t quite see the left side. I dared not. I don’t want to see her with
wrinkles. She still looks very beautiful and fulfilling to vision; I must say.
But I was shaken in a way and I thank god for I was. I have my share of grey on
the head but the shoulders have been pretty empty so far! Time to take charge
and grow up the way I should.
There are two
parts of the piece I wrote just now. Both of them are quite unrelated to each
other. If you as a reader disagree, I have achieved what I wanted as far as
expressing my thoughts is concerned. If you agree, I recommend, have a
cause-effect analysis. See if it helps!
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