Zara Nazar Utha ke Dekho Part-2 (There never was a part1 or was it there?)

Right now, moments ago, my phone rang up. I thought it was she but it turned out to be Reliance. I just so spontaneously felt it was she calling that I was sort of taken aback or surprised to a certain extent. I think I was more disappointed than surprised. In fact I was not surprised at all that it was not she. But I ever so desperately wait for she to call. The sequence is short. Desperation to disappointment-doesn't take long to complete the cycle. It happens real fast and I pray it stays like this. Slower it is, more painful it becomes. I just happen to remember a couple of beauiful lines which mark the irony of the situation here.

वो काटे सर मेरा

बेदर्दी से

और हम कहें -जनाब,

आहिस्ता आहिस्ता!

I love these lines. They are probably the most beautiful two little lines ever written on this planet. Everytime I read these lines I just get engrossed in the beauty and the depth at which the poet has tried to talk. And they say love is an illusion. Indeed it is an illusion. It does things to you. Things you never think would ever happen to you. You quit things, try altruism, try sadism even masochism and what not. There are no defined boundaries and limits. There are no holds, there are no bars. You get insulted and yet your ego stays intact. Probably, the glassy ego becomes rubbery enough! I don't know what happens but something happens which does not happen in general.

दिल के लुटने का सबब

पूछो ना सबके सामने

नाम आएगा तुम्हारा

ये कहानी फिर सही

Sabab means cause. In a typical lawyers lingo, if a crime is committed, there has to be a motive and there has to be a cause to drive that motive. Those who love are not scared of a heart break. She won't really understand. May be she would, eventually! Till then, I am happily willing to take it on my heart. There is no pain, if at all there is some, I choose to feel it in the most romantic way possible. I may smoke it away, I may sleep it over or I may just fly away so high that I don't see no pain from that height. Or I may just choose to sip it slowly, feeling every bit of it with every breath I let out or in. The corners of my eyes fighting for some more room to hold the tiny (in my case unprecious) droplets. I see you. But she chooses to ignore me, just subtly enough to not make it odd for me. Ah! she cares! Doesn't she? I know she does care! Or may be its all an illusion, as they have been saying it over and over again.

My eyelids flutter, not on orders from my pituitary gland though! They are not vey loyal to me, my eyelids. They are more loyal to she. They flutter, she gets to know, if at all she sees! Does she see? I just managed to recall another set of beautiful lines. These lines just keep the hopelessly optimistic lovers going full throttle. She thinks I am sure hopeless enough and methinks I sure am optimistic enough! We meet again, by the side if not by the way...

यूँ तो हमे देख के

वो कर लेते हैं खिड़की दरवाज़े बंद

पर हमें यकीन है

उन्होंने दरारों से ज़रूर झाँका होगा