An unfulfilled/delayed/derailed journey

My hands are not freezing yet I feel stiffness in my fingers. I have slept for over 10 hours yet my eyes are red. I have had enough rest yet I feel tired. Something has struck me hard and I am unwilling to acknowledge the fact. I am about to get married yet I ain't. I am committed yet I am not in the eyes of the society. Once upon a time, not very far back in the past though, I managed to read a book by the name of The White Tiger. Some book it was! I liked it so much. Most of the people say it won an award beacuse Mr. Adiga spoke badly of India, brought black fame to the country of brown skinned people which massaged the egoes of the white skinned people in the jury and they gave it to him. A very similar logic was given for the success of Slumdog Millionaire as well. Sorry, I don't buy the shithole public opinion on this for precisely one reason that I am pissed off with the fake cultural projection and self professing attitude of us, I included. Yes I am pissed off with myself as well for I have never challenged the so called goods because while I did some of those good things I got the acknowledgement from the same society I am at the verge of abusing right now. Before I proceed further, I would like to make a request to the real genuine patriots to discontinue reading as my piece may sound a bit erratic or anti establishment on a larger scale.

If you have decided to go ahead and read this further, I welcome you again one more time to be a partner aboard on the flight of my frustrations. As you will discover in due course of time, my piece is not as violent as it seemed after my disclaimer or my praise for Mr. Arvind Adiga.

In life, there are a couple of things which we all as human beings seek. When we are really small, in terms of age, we have a long list of small things which are more or less depending on the situation easy to get hold of or accomplish. As we grow up, again age wise, we tend to be concentrating on a fewer but for sure bigger things in life. Love is one such item on the wish list of most of the people at all points in time of their lives beginning right from their childhood to the days when the body gets old. Just that who we seek it from changes. To be more specific, talking in terms of life and marriages, falling in love is the first and foremost criteria for people to start on the journey of getting to the dream destination of a love marriages. Even though the story after that does change quite drastically but I am yet to reach there. Therefore my commenting on that portion of the story would be a little too far stretched. I did do the rightful and the needful in my life. I fell in love with a girl I always dreamt of falling in love with. Great job, making sure that you actually are in love and not just 'infatuation' is in itself a great success. It's like making a journal entry in order to create a balance sheet. A mistake at this early level can lead to a lot of credit debit issues sometimes leading to the withdrawal of the majority shareholder from the enterprise. Next important step to be fulfilled is that the love should ideally be reciprocated (Reciprocity!rings any bells...in a mellowed voice). Men in India have this additional responsibility to make sure they propose the girl because (social norms) how can a girl (who is fast taking rapid strides to beat men in every aspect possible of life except inside a boxing ring; Laila Ali not counted) ever say these three words herself. She might just give you out of generosity (for girls are very generous by nature) an odd hint here or there. Catch them because you are a man. Decode them, decipher them and if you can't do any of it, simply take a guess and take a plunge. Simple as it gets in our great country. Thankfully, I was lucky enough to not to go through this painstaking and ever confusing stage of love. She was kind or probably she figured out what a chicken I was. I was duly facilitated so that I could do the needful and with proper guidance and ghost coaching I did. It was like someone coaching me how to play a spinning service out on a TT table and then serving me the same stuff during the match so that I can deliver the smashes. And god knows how well I smash. Don't I? Mr. coach, please validate later. The tough part of breaking through was done and I was there on the highway ready to go fast. Sail, slide or drive, how does it even matter? Just don't trudge along. After living a hippy's life on the highway of love, I or let me make it a we, we decided to lodge and lodge for ever. That decision was never a doubt. In fact, even before the entire process started we were sure about this one thing. But then do you ever get anything so easily? No you don't! In USA, where I claim I was born (the claim is wrong though!), people marry (just in case they do) and then five years later when they divorce (or even earlier) they let their parents know about it. In here, that is India, parents need to approve your bill before it becomes a law. One might choose to ignore this procedure, but the consequences often are too heavy to carry as a liability for the rest of the life of the person who so ever chooses to do so. In our case, even this was a cake walk. They (our respective parents) agreed in a jiffy as if they were waiting for us to disclose this secret to them. All set and done and within a period of three months I was getting engaged in some upmarket hotel's (it's evident in here to show off, it sort of pleases the society... बड़े धूम धाम से हुआ सब कुछ ) banquet hall! I was only concerned with the completion of yet another step of my dream journey though. Yeah, the chicken served for dinner was delicious but that definitely was not the high point of my day. I thought as they they say in Hindi... दिल्ली दूर नहीं है! And to add to all the personal achievements, professionally getting to be a part of a good institution added to the life only for me to realize later that everything in this bloody life comes at a cost. The opportunity cost that I studied in my micro economics course came into existence in a much pragmatic way in my own life and in turn taking  a toll on my dream destination. My flight got delayed, the project got expanded and there are million other ways of expressing the belatedness associated with my marriage which almost an year ago seemed like it was going to happen the next day. And now I am here, trying to balance sheets and my life hanging in thin air, pretty much unbalanced to say the least. I am half married. I like to say that because it has the word married. At least gives me a false satisfaction. The real problem is that I can't find time now to get married. I may be sounding desperate to get married and that is the case in actuality also. If you are reading a book and you find it interesting, still the last chapter is the toughest to finish. Same happens while you are trying to finish up the course for some subject before the examination. At 3 in the afternoon, you think you might just wrap it up early enough in the evening. Yet, you end up staying up the whole night. And it frustrates you. If such a small petty thing can frustrate you then this is my marriage I am talking about. As it is I have a very small window in the summers, add to that the pundits who decide which time of the year would yield rich dividends. That is not pissing off, the pissing off part is when the people who make this little society around us, validate those stupid notions and strongly stand for the cause which never existed without us. When I hear that two people can't get married in a particular month only becaise they are both the eldest kids of their respective parents, I just feel like crushing a stone in between of my jaws. It's all written in the fat books we or you would never be able to understand. This just reminds me of The White Tiger again where  a certain section reads-how quickly could you kiss 36 million and five arses-or was it four...I don't remember...  Not like that do I love this book!