Cycles in life have changed so much that I feel more nocturnal. I dared not see a movie at 3 in the night. But now I do and with ease! Those dark and deep circles have as it is spoiled my not so good face. Tough times. I get bored very often now. Nothing grabs my attention anymore. Seems I have secured a very very small attention span for myself. As I was talking to this guy the other day, he told me about reducing attention spans over the last decade or so. Technology has helped too. First though emails, then Orkut, Facebook, cell phones, android, and I don't know what else. I feel challenged on this front in this age. I am not smart with smart phones either. I am a big Steve Jobs fan but I still don't know how does an I- anything changes lives. End of the day, its just another gadget. Where is the calm? I feel bad when I don't get excited about festivals anymore. When I was a 6th grader and in hostel during Pujas, I remember sobbing in the quietness of my quilt. And I thought back then, that I shall always be home in Pujas when I grow up and get out of this hostel where I don't take my decisions. Well, I did grow up. I also got out of hostel except I entered a new ones every time I got out. And this time, after I leave hostel, I am going to prison. All of us are going to prison. Some realize, some don't! Poor humans, its not their fault as well! Its how we have conditioned ourselves over the years.
Fun is something these days when the mind is stupid enough to blurt things that we usually find crude. There is no expression! What stays is fear of expression. We don't like people but we stay friends. We like someone but yet compare jobs, sometimes girl friends also. Pretty innovative parameters to gauge quality of life. Iteration of facts is equivalent to analysis. Sometimes its just the active to passive and passive to active journey. At times, its quality rephrasing. I don't say it doesn't need skill to do it. It does. Sad part is that at every given opportunity even I succumb to the same trap I keep abusing all the time. As the curtains are about to be drawn, we would face a few questions. Not from outside, but from us. And trust me, we won't have good enough answers. A mirror never lies.
I feel emotionally drained. They got the better of me. I don't remember crying now. I don't feel the charge of feelings anymore. I have learnt to be cool and calm under all circumstances. I miss the festivity in my life. I miss the disappointment of losing a five rupee note. I miss the smile when appreciated. I miss the little walks I took in my colony. And I miss the trigger for celebration. I need to have that anticipation which gives us the thrust. I need the panic before the examination. In short, I need to be normal again. I want to taste all feelings not once but forever. I want to walk by without caring. Amen!
Fun is something these days when the mind is stupid enough to blurt things that we usually find crude. There is no expression! What stays is fear of expression. We don't like people but we stay friends. We like someone but yet compare jobs, sometimes girl friends also. Pretty innovative parameters to gauge quality of life. Iteration of facts is equivalent to analysis. Sometimes its just the active to passive and passive to active journey. At times, its quality rephrasing. I don't say it doesn't need skill to do it. It does. Sad part is that at every given opportunity even I succumb to the same trap I keep abusing all the time. As the curtains are about to be drawn, we would face a few questions. Not from outside, but from us. And trust me, we won't have good enough answers. A mirror never lies.
I feel emotionally drained. They got the better of me. I don't remember crying now. I don't feel the charge of feelings anymore. I have learnt to be cool and calm under all circumstances. I miss the festivity in my life. I miss the disappointment of losing a five rupee note. I miss the smile when appreciated. I miss the little walks I took in my colony. And I miss the trigger for celebration. I need to have that anticipation which gives us the thrust. I need the panic before the examination. In short, I need to be normal again. I want to taste all feelings not once but forever. I want to walk by without caring. Amen!
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