When I was growing up to be something; I was actually growing up like a fool, though I always believed I was growing up as Mr. Cool. I didn't know the dream to own a body as well chiseled as Hrithik Roshan was a distant dream. Then, years later I saw 'Student of the Year'. Pheww! Mr. Johar had a similar deprived adolescence I am sure. Our actions in general are the reflections of our not doing some things in the past rather than the projections of our dreams. A failed father would slap his share of failures as an 'add on' on the son who is yet to even attain puberty. Stupid, hard and inexplicable, but so is our state.
What I really loved about being a 15-18 year old was the way I could day dream. Nowadays, sleep deprivation and dream deprivation are my staple diet. A good emotional SRK starrer would make me believe in love, and an Arnold movie (dubbed in hindi of course!) would make him my favourite actor (For the slam books we filled with so much enthusiasm). Knowing a hollywood actor and actually being a fan really felt nice. It gave a feeling of having more mature tastes than the remainder of the crowd. Some folks, I remember had taken a liking to listening to some spanish gay singer too! I can barely remember his name! That's how foolish all of us were!
Going for IIT tutions was another fad. Discussing the teacher post the sessions was another! Debating on whose tutor was the better one was the best! Apparently, the tutor who solved maximum number of Irodov, Krotov and all the stupid russian authors' questions was declared to be the ultimate winner. And their students were the bonds! Two hours of tuition followed by another two in debates and chasing yet to be fully grown girls was how our lives used to be. And the nights would be filled with dreams of multitude of variety. Sometimes of the same girls I mentioned, sometimes of 'the girl' we grew up thinking of, sometimes of the IIT hostels awaiting our arrival; it was a great mix.
Eating in a restaurant would be a luxury, road side egg rolls and samosa chats were the real appetite extinguishers. Exchanging smiles with girls we saw sitting in the first few rows, abusing boys who were friendly with those girls and declaring their deeds to be unbecoming of a man, used to be the recipe for time pass. Though we all knew, in the heart of our hearts, that we so secretly wanted to be those 'unbecoming of a man' boys.
How after watching those chocolate like romantic movies, we would try to grow the stubble, just like the hero of the movie. How we would steal one liners from SRK and use them pretending we never knew it has been used. And getting caught was a not so likely. Internet and google hadn't become that strong back then. And talking of internet, I can't forget to mention, the long hours spent in cyber cafes. It was the in thing. Being friends with the young, nothing to do owner was the in thing. And spending hours on Yahoo Messenger trying to find a girl friend was the thing. Don't we all remember those 20's chat rooms, those pings (hi, 21/m/USA, wanna chat?)! I am sure we do!
The newly acquired attitude of the youth, the new arrogance, the abuses, the look of disgust for the school teachers who could just teach for boards, and respect for the Irodov solving private tutors; all of it together summed up those years for most of us. The feeling of having grown up and the disappointment after this thought was refuted by our own parents; the illusion of falling in love; the dream of winning the world; combined together were a perfect canvas for the mind to wander along, as it wanted.
Years later, when I see those movies, still feel the love although now it's not an illusion, still wonder if I would ever get a well chiseled body (without hair), still think about the lovely girl I grew up thinking of but things have turned slightly different. Of all the things I wanted to do, I failed to do the most of them. Didn't go to IIT, except as a tourist destination or visiting a friend's dorm. I couldn't build a nice body. I can grow the stubble now but the job doesn't let me do it. This is life. Always a bunch of things you planned but couldn't execute. But always a few things you wanted to do and did. All which couldn't be is worth the few things which actualized. By the way, I did marry the girl I grew up thinking of! That's life too!
